


good for you

by asongofsnow



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Beach House, F/M, Fluff, Jon Snow-centric, Jon and the Starks Are Not Related, Smoking, Teen Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-07
Updated: 2019-08-08
Packaged: 2020-08-11 13:11:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20154151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asongofsnow/pseuds/asongofsnow
Summary: He also notices he’d give up everything just to see her smile. And that’s enough.





	1. beginning

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sylviadraft](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sylviadraft/gifts).
**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For Anni, who inspired me months ago. Thank you <3

Lyanna moves back North after the Capitol breaking her spirit in a thousand little pieces. She misses the sturdiness, misses the honesty, misses the cold. Little Jon is 6 here and he doesn't protest, even though he's born in the South. It doesn't really agrees with him. So he happily goes with his mum, trusting that she'll know what's best for him.

On the first day of school, he meets Robb Stark, and although being quite different, they quickly become best friends. Maybe it's the way their natures complement each other, Jon's quiet where Robb's loud, and it works. They're inseparable.

That means that now, whenever Lyanna needs to pick up an extra shift at the hospital, Jon stays with the Starks. He secretly loves it, their house feels like a home to him. There's Ned, Robb's father, a kind man with a strong voice and a sense of honor that makes Jon feel a little bit jealous of his best friend. He wishes his dad was like Ned, wishes he was kind and honorable and trustworthy. He's none of those things, at least Jon doesn't think so, he's only met him once.

He sometimes pretends Ned's his father too.

There's Catelyn, Robb's mom, and she has a beautiful voice. She also cooks wonderfully, and she's always nice to Lyanna. She even asks them to come over for dinner once a month, and Jon loves it cause he likes to pretend they're one big happy family, with one dad, two moms and six kids.

Robb has four siblings and Jon likes Arya the best. She's a daring girl, filled with fire, and they get along super well, even if she's four years younger. He thinks of her as the sister he never got to have - even if he has a sister -, and she plays with him and Robb whenever her mom allows it, and sometimes even when she doesn't. As they grow older, he bonds with the younger boys as well, who see Robb and himself as their mentors in all kinds of mischief. Jon always wanted to have brothers to keep him company - and he has one, they just never met -, and now it seems his wish has come true.

And then there's Sansa, always so distant, so aloof, living on her own fairy world and mostly choosing to ignore the rest of them. She's everything Jon ever thought a princess would be: radiant, hopeful and incredibly clueless. She pays him close to no attention growing up, and he returns her ways.

Jon's 14 now, and Lyanna gets sick. For some reason, that makes her decide that it's time for him to meet his father for real. Rhaegar is a strange man, so completely different from what a father should be - so completely different from Ned Stark - and Jon wishes he would just go back to King's Landing and leave them alone, but his mom thinks it's important that they bond, so Jon does his best. He's also expected to get along with his brother and sister, and as the holidays go by and they actually start spending time together, he finds out they're pretty cool.

He still prefers the Starks, but he won't tell them that.

One day during freshman year of highschool, his mom has a doctor's appointment that will last all afternoon, so she tells him she'll pick him up at Robb's later. They've been playing video games for a while now, and Jon goes to the kitchen for some water. Sansa's sitting at the counter, so very focused on her homework, a little wrinkle between her eyebrows. Her notebook has a million scribbles on it, her eraser seems freshly used and whenever she checks her book for the answers she lets out a little frustrated sigh and it's so adorable that it actually makes Jon smile.

When she asks him if he's gonna stand there all night, he startles. He also notices it's been five minutes since he's there, watching her, and of course he's made her uncomfortable. So he does the one thing he knows his mom would approve: he helps her. They work on every problem together, even if it takes him two hours, even if Robb's come downstairs to look for him, even if Arya mocks his attempt to fix what she calls a "hopeless case". They work together and he's patient and when they're done she's so happy she throws her arms around his neck and promises to bake him anything he wants as a thank you. Somehow, he's happy too, and a little proud. Sansa's smiles are like a world wonder and to be the reason behind one of them feels pretty damn good.

Two days later he's sitting on the Stark porch watching the boys play when she comes bearing a small chocolate cake. She seems super proud of herself and offers it to him as a prize and in that moment he could cry cause the night before Lyanna just told him she's not really responding to treatment anymore and he just simply has no clue how to live in a world without his mom. He hasn't told anyone yet, not even Robb, but he knows Catelyn knows, cause somehow along the years she's grown to be his mom's best friend. Sansa is still holding the cake and smiling at him and she looks exactly like her mother and part of him wishes to tell her everything but he's scared that if he tells her it might all come true and his mother can't die. She just can't.

So he takes the cake from Sansa with a smile, swallowing his tears, and thanks her with all his heart. She thanks him again as well. Turns out her grades were so important cause she wanted to go South, to study in a private school and live with her aunt Lysa. Six months later she's gone and Jon keeps the memory of her last smile to him as a reminder that life could be kind too, even if it seemed so ruthless.

Some time later Lyanna gets hospitalized.

It doesn't take too long for her to die.

He's not sure if he's still himself after that, not sure if he'll ever feel normal again, but he's got into White Harbor University with a full scholarship and that's where he'll go. All the Starks are there to see him off, and he knows he's loved - how could he not know - cause there's tears from both Catelyn and Arya of all people. All the Starks but Sansa, and he hasn't really thought of her in so long, her being just a memory of a smile in the back of his head. She remains like that, a distant memory, through all his freshman year. 

Until he gets a text.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I've been away. I'm sorry. I was working nonstop for two weeks and things are not so well, but I'm getting better. I will make it up to you, I promise. I'm working on my other fics and new chapters are coming soon, I just want them to be extra good for you.
> 
> Here's a little something that's been on my mind for a while. I hope you enjoy it. Chapter two is almost finished so the updates will be quick.
> 
> Also I changed my @ here and on twitter as well (it's the same for both)! Did you like it?
> 
> Sorry for any mistakes. I wanted to post this before I went to theraphy, cause I might not feel like doing anything afterwards. I'll correct any mistakes as soon as I can.
> 
> Thank you for all the support always. Let me know what you think! <3  
Xxxxx


	2. middle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspiration came so why not post it already? Hope you like it :)
> 
> Also, for the sake of this fic: Jon, Robb and Theon are all 19, Sansa's turning 17, Jeyne's already 17, Arya's 15, Bran's 14 and Rickon is 9.

He gets the text on a boring Thursday night. The Easter holiday is a month away and with the Starks having decided to come to White Harbor, Robb asks if Jon wants to join them. It's been a while since they’ve seen each other, with Jon having been at Rhaegar's for Christmas, a decision he so deeply regrets. It was a disaster, to say the least, and he has no intention of going to the Capitol again anytime soon, so it's either the musty old dorms at WHU or the beautiful beach house by the ocean and there’s really no choice at all. He’s happy to accept.

Robb also mentions that it's Sansa's birthday, and Jon hadn't thought about her in so long, not since right after she left to live with her aunt down South. He wonders if she's any different, it's been a couple of years after all. He also wonders why she's gotten back, with The Eyrie's private school for young ladies being all she ever dreamed about. She'll be turning seventeen now, and he wonders if she's wiser, hopes so, for her sake.

He wishes he was wiser when he started college, but in truth, it hasn't been that bad, it was just different than what he had expected. Freshman year is almost over now and he feels that the green boy who left Winterfell is long gone. He’s met so many people and experienced so many things. He starts smoking around the same time he starts seeing Ygritte. She's a sophomore and she laughs when he tells her he's a virgin, but she teaches him everything she knows and boy, does she know a lot. It's beautiful, it's intense, it’s everything, until it gets too much. He's not sure if he's over her, not sure if he actually knows what love is now, but she's left him and all he's got to remember her by is this smoking habit that he hadn't meant to pick up but now can't seem to stop.

So he lays on his bed on Thursday night, having just replied to Robb’s text, lights up a cigarette, taking a long drag, and he wonders about another girl with red hair and blue eyes.

The next few weeks he wonders about her a lot.

April comes and so does Easter and he leaves the dorms on another Thursday night. He takes only one bag, with a few changes of clothes, a towel, his trainers - he’s been running a lot lately, trying to make up for such an unhealthy habit - and a closed cigarette pack he hopes no one will find. He knows Ned wouldn't approve. He still sees the man as a father, even more so now that he's been spending time with the Targaryens - he’s not sure if he’s going to go again so soon, Christmas proved that it doesn’t really work without his mom - and he doesn't want to let him down. He staches the pack in one of the bag’s inner pockets, and hopes for the best.

He arrives thirty minutes after they do, and Arya sees him first. She jumps on him, laughing loudly, and boy, did he miss her. She punches him in the arm, playfully, complaining about his absence, and he knows there's a hidden truth behind her words. Robb comes right after and they hug each other fondly cause yeah, it's been a while, and they are more like brothers than anything else, is it not? Theon is there as well and he is dating this girl Jeyne, who Jon vaguely remembers as being Sansa's feisty best friend from school, so it makes sense that he tagged along, and even if Jon thinks he's a prick, it's nice to see him too. It almost feels like home again. It hasn’t felt like home for a while.

Arya leads him to the patio where Ned is frying burgers and he greets him with a warm smile, a pad in the back and a _ how's it been, son? _ and Jon's so grateful for those words. It hasn't been the same, not since his mom died, but here, with the Starks, he feels so at ease with himself, and it's almost easy to forget how painful it was to stay in Winterfell after her death. He talks to Ned for a bit before heading inside to find the boys.

Bran is in the reading room upstairs, curled up with a book, and it's just the perfect opportunity for a scare, so he doesn't miss it. The boy screams so loudly, smacking Jon with the book, and Catelyn comes running to see what is wrong. She looks like she's gonna scold them both but her eyes soften at the sight of the two boys - her boys, because yeah Catelyn thinks of him as her own, even more so now - laughing together and she just says she's happy to see him. Jon knows how much she misses Lyanna, they had become good friends since the boys first met, and it feels good to know that part of his grief is shared, that someone else misses her like he does.

Rickon is also attracted by the noise, he comes running to jump on Jon and he's grown since the last time they've seen each other. He's also heavier now, but Jon still carries him on his back all the way to the room he'll share with Robb and Theon, and he listens attentively to everything the boy says. He missed this, the noise. The dorms can be loud sometimes, but for different reasons. This familiarity of Rickon’s blabbering, of Cat talking to Bran in the other room, of Robb's loud voice downstairs, is like a comfort to him.

He's taking his things out of the bag when he hears a loud bang, followed by a loud scream, hurriedly steps and Arya's laugh. He catches sight of her running through the open door and when he steps out to see what all the fuss is about something hard collides with him. Then he sees red, and there's such a sweet smell and he holds onto her elbows so she won't fall.

"Ouch."

"How come we’re here for less than an hour and you're already fighting with your sister?"

Sansa lifts a hand to her hair and tucks it behind her ear. He's still holding her, and her other hand is pressed to his chest. He doesn’t remember her being so beautiful. She has always been pretty, yes, pretty and posh and polite, but there is something about her now, something in her eyes. He realizes is that wisdom he was hoping she would find, and he’s curious about what happened to her that made her look less like the princess he remembers. He can't help but to look her over, head to toe, and he notices her body is different as well. She looks more like a woman now, and he suddenly feels guilty for the path his eyes just made. He shouldn't stare, it's not proper, and she's only ever been so proper with him. He meets her eyes and blushes, feels like he's being caught doing something wrong. She blushes a little too, he notices, and lowers her eyes to his hands, still at her elbows. He quickly drops them.

"We weren't fighting. She just thought it would be funny to scare me since we're sharing a room. Great idea, huh? At least Jeyne is with us too, so they'll most likely fight each other and leave me be."

She says it with a smile, and Jon smiles too. Her hand is still on his chest, and he wonders if she can feel his heart beat. She meets his eyes again.

"It's good to see you. You look...nice."

"Thanks, you too. I mean, it's good to see you, too. But you also look nice."

He has some trouble with his words and he’s not sure why, but his confusion makes her laugh and he's laughing too. She drops her hand and turns around to leave.

"Come on, I think dinner is ready."

He happily follows.

They're eating burgers in the patio, the clear sky above showing the wonders of the moon and stars. Ned, Robb and Bran are discussing the plot of Bran's book, something about a medieval war and battle strategies. Rickon has his eyes set on his game boy, Arya is trying to convince Catelyn to let her go on a school trip to Braavos - _ there's gonna be adult supervision, mom, I swear _ \- and Theon is devouring his third burger while arguing with Jeyne about something, but Jon can tell they're not actually mad at each other by the way Theon’s eyes light up when looking at her. Sansa is sitting next to them, laughing occasionally at their banter, and she's quieter than he remembers. Once again, he loses himself in thought over what might have happened to make her so different. _ I guess the South is no place for a Northern soul _, even if he never thought Sansa to be the kind of girl who belonged in the North. She catches him staring and smiles shyly, taking him by surprise, and just as he's about to smile back, she returns her attention to Jeyne, laughing again, and he blushes.

"Earth to Snow! Where'd you go, man?"

Robb and Ned are looking at him, he realizes, and they must have been talking to him for a while now. He refocuses, losing himself in their conversation during the rest of the evening, refusing to give into the temptation to look at her again, even if he sometimes feels like he's being watched. He has no intention of going down this road.

During the night, he tosses and turns, body restless, but he can't for the life of him fall asleep. It's two a.m when he gives up trying, not because he's thinking about a certain redhead, not because he's trying to convince himself his boner has nothing to do with her - _ it's just been a while, that's all _\- but because he needs a smoke. He makes sure Robb and Theon are sound asleep, even if he knows no one would tell on him. Hell, Theon probably smokes more than he does, and yet, he wants to keep it a secret, maybe because he's not ready to accept that this is a part of the new Jon, the Jon that had to go on living after his mom died. So he gets out of bed, trying his best to keep quiet, and reaches under it for his bag, fishing the pack from the secret pocket and getting his lighter from his jeans. He gets out, wearing only a set of grey sweatpants, stepping on the tips of his toes, goes down the stairs and through the glass door, closing it behind him and stands on the patio, looking at the ocean.

He watches the restless waves illuminated only by the moon's faint glow, and lights one up, taking a long drag, the cold wind carrying away the smoke into the night. He should've put a shirt on, he thinks, and as he gets chills all over his body, he sees her and for a minute his heart stills. A figure, sitting at the sand, red hair floating wildly in the night, and he realizes it's just Sansa. She's alone, staring at the waves, her back to him, and he feels like he's intruding in a private moment. Part of him wonders if he should join her, wants to make sure she's okay, but he knows he should let her be. He continues smoking, watching her long hair dance with the wind, gets lost in thought accompanying it's movements.

He finishes his cigarette, stepping on the butt and throwing it under the deck to hide the evidence. Looking at Sansa one last time, he sits on one of the wooden chairs, lighting another one and staring at the moon. The cold wind makes him shiver a little, but the smoke keeps him warm, and he closes his eyes for a bit, listening to the waves.

At some point he must've fallen asleep because he opens his eyes to see the sky beginning to light up, a soft glow coming from the horizon. His body is cold and he rubs his hands through his arms, picking up the half smoked cigarette from the floor - _ stupid, this could've been a fucking accident _\- and putting it inside his sweatpants pocket. There's no sign of Sansa, and he wonders what she thought of when she passed through him. Maybe she hadn't seen him at all, sitting in the dark, and he hopes for it, worried that she might have believed him snooping around. He gets up and quickly goes back to his room, falling back to sleep almost instantly, his mind miles away.

Later, the sun is high up, and he's sitting next to Robb in a beach chair, incredibly happy to be wearing swimming shorts instead of a speedo. He's watching Theon apply sunscreen to Jeyne's back, and he thinks she's just too pretty for a guy like that. Plus, Theon's an ass and he has no idea what Jeyne could've possibly have seen in him. _ Well, she's kind of an ass too _ , he thinks, remembering all the bickering with Arya whenever the two of them were together long enough, and maybe that's what makes her perfect for Theon and vice versa. He keeps staring at the devoted couple, partly because it's been a while since he's had someone and he won't admit it but he's kinda jealous - _ jealous of Theon fucking Greyjoy, for fuck's sake - _and partly because he's trying his damn best not to stare at Sansa.

She's lying on a beach towel next to Jeyne, ass up, her baby blue bottoms barely covering anything and Jon thinks it should be fucking illegal for your best friend's little sister to look so incredibly hot. His mind goes desperately to his cigarettes, stashed away inside the left shoe of his boots and all he wants is a drag. Sansa lifts herself slightly to talk to Jeyne, arching her back, and he quickly gets up and goes to join Ned and Arya, who are trying to teach Rickon how to surf. It's going badly, to say the least, and Jon focuses all his energy on helping out, keeping his lower body under the water. Had he known he'd be spending all weekend hiding forbidden and uncalled for boners he might have thought twice about leaving the dorms. He's determined to stay focused, but Sansa gets up and starts yelling something to her father, waving her arms over her head to catch his attention, and Jon is sure the image of her perfect tits bouncing around on that baby blue top would stay on his brain forever.

They all start heading to the house and Jon stays behind, not because he wants to, no, but because he has to. His dick is still so hard, he won't dare get out of the water, not with the father of his reason to be this aroused staring at him from the sand, calling him over. He knows he'll be late for lunch but there's no way he's moving anytime soon. He prays to the old gods for the cold seawater to work it's magic on him, and it works, even if he had to think of Septa Mordane's legs - their former middle school teacher who never shaved - for his arousal to actually go down.

He eventually makes it to lunch and he notices Theon's face is all smug while giving him a side look but pretends nothing's wrong, not even when Jeyne laughs and quickly covers her mouth after Theon whispers something in her ear. He has to pretend really hard when it's time for Jeyne to whisper in Sansa's ear, and she blushes so intensely part of him has to wonder how far that blush goes. She looks at him then, and it's his time to blush, and of course Rickon notices and asks him why he's so red and now everyone's looking at him and he's so embarrassed but to his surprise Sansa smiles. It's not like the one smile he remembers but it's still a wonder and if it were possible for him to blush even more he's sure he would.

The day passes flying after that, with Catelyn, Sansa and Jeyne in the kitchen baking a birthday cake for the next day. Theon's there too, to Jon's surprise, and he gets in the way more than helps but he makes them laugh and Jon knows Catelyn likes to have him around. She loves all her boys, even the ones who aren't really her own. Ned's sitting at the balcony upstairs watching the waves, quiet like he usually is, while Rickon and Arya fuss around with a soccer ball. Jon and Robb join them, after making sure Bran is covered in sand since he didn't want to play, and when it's finally time for dinner he's feeling more alive than he's been in months. He might not have the Stark name, but this is his family, and he missed them.

He can tell they missed him too.

Even after all the running around and the amount of food he ate and how many hours he spent in the sun, he still wants a smoke. He can't help it, it's stronger than him. And he won't admit it, but he's also hoping to catch a glimpse of a certain redhead again. So he waits until the guys are asleep and sneaks out, just like the night before, except this time he's put a shirt on.

He slides the patio door closed behind him and looks at the beach expectantly, but there's nothing but the waves. He lights up a cigarette and takes a drag. Is it okay to be a little disappointed? Is it okay to feel this way about Sansa? Should he stop this feeling, whatever it was? He doesn't know, not really. Ygritte always said he didn't know things, and truth was after his mom had passed, he didn't feel like he knew a lot either. It was hard, living without her, but he managed. It was easier here, with the Starks, that much he knew. 

He also knew that he liked the way Sansa made him feel.

He takes another drag, the smoke blowing quickly in the wind, so lost in thought he almost screams from fright when he hears a voice coming from behind him.

"You know those things aren't good for you, right?"

_ Oh shit. _

He's busted and he knows it. She's sitting at the same chair he fell asleep in, her hair tied up in a braid, her blue eyes alternating between his face and the cigarette in his hand. He notices she's smiling, one of her beautiful world wonder smiles, except this one's a little different, almost cheeky, and he likes it. He also notices he’d give up everything just to see her smile like that for him again. And that’s enough to make things clear.

There's no stopping now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My anxiety is through the roof today and writing is actually helping so I hope you enjoy chapter two.  
Sorry for any mistakes, I'll correct them as soon as possible.  
Let me know what you think!  
If you wanna chat I'm @sansaravenclaw on twitter.  
Xxxxxx


	3. ending (or a new beginning)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you anni for making me do this.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't really smoke so I have no idea how this particular addiction works, maybe I explained all wrong, so I'm sorry. Also English is not my first language.
> 
> I made an edit for this fic, you can check it out here: https://marthasmadeline.tumblr.com/post/186861341127/he-also-notices-hed-give-up-everything-just-to/amp?__twitter_impression=true
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

She's wearing grey sweatpants and a white tank top with no bra on, which he can easily tell because she's cold and her body is reacting to it, and yes he shouldn't stare but sitting there under the moonlight - red hair stuck on a braid with just a few pieces flying away, blue eyes staring at him intently - she's the most beautiful girl he's ever seen and he knows if she were to ask him for anything he'd give it to her willingly.

He tries to get it together but he just can't look away.

She's still smiling when she talks.

"So you smoke now?"

"No." He says, and he doesn't know why he bothers denying it. Her smile gets cheekier.

"Oh, so you were just spying on me last night and came to do it again, huh?"

Shit, she'd seen him.

"What- no! I wasn't spying, I was just-"

She starts laughing before he can finish and he realizes she's totally and completely mocking him, and yet he doesn't mind a bit. 

He adores her laugh.

"You're messing with me."

"No, I'm not."

She stops laughing and gets back at staring, and suddenly he has no idea what to do with his hands. His cigarette is still lit and he's hit by a surge of courage, so he lifts his hand to his mouth, eyes locked on her, and takes a drag. It feels good, and he closes his eyes for a second, blowing the smoke into the wind. He looks back at her and he can see she wants to say something, so he waits for her words, takes another drag while doing so, and he notices her eyes drop to his mouth. He blushes slightly, hopes the dark helped make it less obvious that he's completely at her mercy, and gives a small smile when she keeps staring at his lips.

"Daddy would freak if he found out, you know?"

He sighs, running his fingers through his untied hair, once again filled with guilt for even beginning to do this.

"Yeah, I know."

She shifts, bringing her legs to her chest, and moves her head indicating that he should sit down with her. He takes a deep breath and starts moving, sitting close enough to smell her body lotion - _lemons, it has to be lemons_ \- but not close enough to invade her personal space.

"I should tell, really. I'd be doing you a favour, these things are really not good for you."

She's resting her chin on her knees, looking at him in a way that makes his heart start going really fast and he already knows she knows she has him at her will.

"But you're not going to?"

"No, I'm not. I do want something though, since it is my birthday and you were spying."

She says it with a little smile, her voice clear and beautiful and boy, she'll be the death of him, he's sure.

"Sansa, I was not spying on y-"

"Whatever, you still owe me. I want a smoke."

He should've seen it coming, really, but he was too busy thinking she's the most beautiful girl to have ever lived, and now there's nothing he can do but to indulge her. Part of him feels bad, she is Ned Stark's perfect daughter and he knows the man would be incredibly disappointed with him for being so compliant, but he also likes this feeling of rebelling against something. He's only ever been so good, a good student, a good son, a good friend. Smoking seemed to be his only flaw, and he was not sure yet what that said about him. And it's not like he didn't know she'd hate the first one. Everyone does. But still, he's always been a good boy.

"I don't know, Sansa, Ned will kill me if he finds out."

"Well, he won't find out because we won't tell him anything. Besides, it's not like you denying me one is gonna make any difference. I bet you twenty bucks I can get a cigarette out of every guy at Winter High, and half of them probably won't be as nice to me as you are."

She's absolutely right and he knows it, but even if she weren't he wouldn't be able to deny her any longer. The cold sea breeze made her come closer and now her uncovered feet were touching his thigh and he's very aware of how that makes him feel. So he gives in.

He lights the cigarette for her, hoping she won't notice how his fingers are trembling, and when she coughs the smoke out, very disgusted, he can't help but laugh. She's totally adorable and beautiful and wonderful and right now he feels like the luckiest man alive.

She seems annoyed at his laugh, and takes another drag, still coughing out, but less this time. She passes him the cigarette, then, and he takes it, their fingers brushing for a moment.

They stay like this for a while, quiet, sharing the cigarette and watching the waves, well, she's watching the waves and he's pretending not to watch her. It's not uncomfortable in the slightest and he's grateful for that. After Lyanna died there were a lot of uncomfortable silences he had to fill.

"I'm sorry I couldn't come home for the funeral."

There's a sadness in her voice and he knows she means it. He's sorry too, that his mom had to leave so early, that she didn't get to see him go to college, that he wasn't able to talk to her about Ygritte, that he misses her so much sometimes he thinks he'll never be happy again. Being here with the Starks it's easier, yes, but he's still so broken. He has no idea if he'll ever be whole again.

He doesn't tell her that, though.

"It's okay, Sans. I'm okay now."

He knows she doesn't believe a word he says by the way she looks at him. She's always been very clever, just not good with numbers, and a part of him is glad she doesn't buy his bullshit.

"You can talk to me, you know? I'm no Robb nor Arya but I care about you, Jon."

It's the first time she's said his name since they arrived, and she says it in a way it makes his heart ache. He looks at her, and he wants to tell her everything, much like he did when she baked him that chocolate cake. She's waiting for an answer, and a small wrinkle appears between her eyebrows and she looks so much like she did all those years ago, focusing on a problem she desperately wanted to solve, and he finally gives in and tells her.

He talks for what it feels like forever, about school, about Ygritte, about his father, about smoking, about his mum. It's slow at first, and then it all comes out like a wave, and he lets out everything he's been holding in for a long time. Somehow, her hands end up gripping his, she squeezes his fingers every once in a while, almost as if to let him know she's there, and he's grateful. He talks and talks and talks and she listens attentively, without saying a word, and once he's done and he feels sort of embarrassed, she does something that surprises him the most during this very strange yet beautiful night.

She hugs him. Thightly.

He hugs her back, and they stay like that for a while, and he even lets out a few tears but quickly dries them with the back of his hand. She smells so good, pressed against him, and he makes a silent thanks to the gods, for allowing this to happen, for giving him this family, even if he had to lose something along the way. He's not sure how long he stays like that, holding her, but he quickly drops his arms when she starts moving, feeling very self conscious and unsure. She looks at him and smiles and he coughs, trying to find his voice.

"Thanks."

"No problem."

She stays silent, her blue eyes looking at him as if waiting for something, something he's not sure he could give her. So he tries to buy some time, tries to collect his thoughts.

"So, uh...how was the South? Robb still hasn't told me why you came back."

He sees how quickly her expression changes, and he instantly regrets asking her anything at all. He can tell by the way he body stiffens a little, by the way she looks at the ocean, as if trying to clear her mind, that something bad happened to her there, and that's why she's different, that's why she's wiser. She suffered, somehow, and she wasn't supposed to, and Jon feels an anger deep inside him at whatever it was - or whoever it was - that made her feel like this.

"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"Would you believe me if I said I just missed home?"

And he would, yes, because who wouldn't miss Winterfell? Who wouldn't miss the Wolfswood, so dark and big and filled with mysteries? Who wouldn't miss the Starks, so filled with life and love and warmth? Rickon's laugh and Arya's fire and Robb's joy and everyone else, he missed them all everyday he was away so of course he believed her. But this wasn't the whole truth.

"Yeah, I would. That's not everything, though."

She laughs, then, a dry one this time and he doesn't like how easily it is for her. He imagines she had to laugh this weird laugh a lot down South, and somehow he knows this only makes what happened to her worse.

“Tell you what, I’ll tell you all about it, not today though, but soon, _ if _you give me something in return.”

Her cheeky smile is back and he's amused by how easily she has him. She's truly something, he's aware, and he's also aware of the fact that not many people are able to get her like this, this carefree and honest version of her, and he's happy she feels like she can be herself around him. He feels the same way.

"Trust me, love, you'll not like another cigarette better than you did the first one. It takes time."

He's close enough to notice her blush, and he mentally kicks himself for calling her love, of all things. What is he thinking, talking to her like that, his best friend's little sister, yet here he is, being all sorts of inappropriate, giving her cigarettes and crying on her shoulder and calling her _ love _. Robb would kill him if he knew, and he should really just end this conversation and go back to bed before anyone catches them alone in the dark sitting so close together he can see the faint freckles on her shoulders.

Instead, he stays still, waiting for her to answer. She licks her lips before speaking and he's not sure how his heart is still beating.

"I don't want another smoke, Jon. I want a kiss."

His brain freezes.

He stays there, mouth sort of open, looking at her expectant eyes, and he sure as hell did not see this coming.

Somehow, the blood comes back to his head long enough for him to speak.

"What?"

"I want you to kiss me, Jon."

"Why?"

He doesn't get it, truly, he has no idea why on earth would Sansa "World Wonder Smile" Stark ever wanna kiss him, and yet here she is, not only wanting but asking, and he's sure the smoke corrupted his lungs and he died in his sleep and this is heaven because there's no fucking way this can be truth.

"Well, doesn't every girl wants to be kissed by a guy they like on their birthday?"

She says it with a smile, and that's what makes it for him. He looks at her lips, so pretty, so perfect, and he wonders what they taste like, like he did many times since he got that text from Robb - who is he kidding, he thinks about kissing Sansa ever since he's know what kissing is -, and he instinctively licks his own lips. He looks at her eyes again, and he hasn't said anything yet and he sees a bit of insecurity there, and he knows he's gotta move fast before it's ruined.

"Look, if you don't want to-"

He kisses her before she can finish, just a peck on the lips at first, his right hand firmly but gently holding her chin in place. They move slowly, and she brings her hands to his hair and he takes it as an encouragement to deepen the kiss. She tastes like his cigarettes and a bit of toothpaste, and right now it's the best taste in the world. She moves forward, pressing her chest against his, and his left hand lands on her lower back and she's warm all over and he loves the way she makes him feel. The kiss seems to last a lifetime, but when it ends it also seems too soon and he holds her near him, foreheads touching, her breath on him while they both recompose. He gives her another quick peck but she catches his bottom lip and bites it slightly and he feels it everywhere but specially down his pants, and he's very aware of how hard he is and he's trying his best to get it together cause she asked for a kiss and a kiss only and it's the middle of the night and there's a bunch of other people in the house ready to murder him if he crosses any lines with her, so he breaths trough the nose and lets out a short laugh.

"You're messing with me."

"No, I'm not."

The way she sounds, almost out of breath, makes him want to kiss her a million more times and something tells him he'll actually get to do that.

"Happy birthday, Sansa."

"Thank you, Jon. Guess all your spying actually payed off."

"Hey, I wasn't-"

She kisses him again before he can finish speaking and he's glad, because if her smiles were world wonders, her kisses were a taste of heaven and he feels more blessed than he's felt in a very long time.

Maybe those cigarettes were good for him after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not me actually finishing a fic 😆😆😆
> 
> Thank you all so much for the support, I hope you enjoyed this small story. I was just in need of some fluff and actually felt like writing after weeks of nothingness.  
I'm sorry for any mistakes, I'll try to fix them as soon as I can.  
Also I'm a bit worried that the characters ended up being ooc but I'm not sure. Anyways, this is fanfiction and I'm trying my best to improve with every story I write :)
> 
> Please let me know how you feel about this last chapter!
> 
> If you ever wanna talk I'm @sansaravenclaw on twitter.
> 
> Once again thank you Anni for putting this idea on my head, and thank you to the lovely jonsa warriors on twitter who always have my back, I love you all.  
Xxxxxx


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